compelled by LOVE

I just finished reading Heidi Baker's book Compelled by LOVE. It is a must read for every human being. I just want to go find dirty hungry orphans and hold them and love them and feed them. I want to be so full of Jesus that they see His love in my eyes. I want to exemplify a sermon on the mount life. Lord, help me lay down my life for love. Let everyone encounter You when they encounter me. It is so simple to imagine going to Africa and seeing the poor and destitute and giving your life for them...but what about your neighbor? What about the guy that just cut you off in the line at Walmart? Jesus, I need your eyes. Help me to see everyone through your blood. We cry out for discernment and so often we ask expecting to see the enemy. I can see him everywhere I need no assistance with that. I want to see how the Father sees. I want that level of discernment. I want every action, every deed to be motivated by love. I want to see the person who persecutes me and love them. If someone spits in my face I want to love them. I want to love. So much of the body of Christ wants to move in signs, wonders and miracles but how much more miraculous to manifest the love of the True and Living God. The glory of the Lord is the goodness of the Lord. It is a manifestation of power, the power of LOVE. It is the tangible goodness of the Father made reality on earth. I must go lower. I must learn to love. God is love. If I seek Him and to be Him to a hurt and dying world then maybe I will know Him. Then maybe my works will not be burned up as hay and straw and stubble. If my actions are not out of love then they are only selfish ambition.

Becoming

I am becoming someone new all together. I am seeking to be like Him, to reflect His countenance and character to the world in which I reside. It is no easy task. Every day it seems there is a form of progress and then in a blink maybe not. For the past year and a half I knew that the plumb line was love. You see, I have a hard time with that in application. There was an era in which I was known as the ice princess. Some think that is funny or that I am a little stand offish but what a horrible way to be perceived. So, I decided to be a lover, a radical laid down lover. This of course had to be the Lord because I was much too afraid of people to actually choose this path myself.....but I so want to be like Him.



Recently, it has come to my attention that as I have asked Him to break my cold stony heart and give me a heart of flesh what comes with that. To love I must suffer long which means I must suffer. To love I must keep no record of wrongs which means I must be wronged. The list goes on and on. It would be so easy to tuck tale and run, to continue to fear people instead of embrace them in their weakness. Perfect love casts out fear. My love is not perfect. It is weak and immature and self seeking but..... His love is perfect and covers a multitude of sins.



I have had a tough week. Just when I got revelation that I was going to have to love others in their imperfections mine were magnified and brought to my attention. I have made many mistakes and I am sure I will make many more. My first instinct was to cut all ties with humanity and hide in a cave like a hermit wallowing in condemnation. Silly I know. If I choose to be a lover then I must have relationship. Not surface acquaintance. Relationship requires vulnerability. I do not like the idea of that.

The Word says faithful are the wounds of a friend. Agh! So as Shampa Rice would say.."What to do?" I guess I will choose love. I will choose to not fear man or His opinion of me but to press on and press in. I will acknowledge and repent for the places I have given darkness room. I will allow Him to fill me over and over again with His limitless love. I will not look to the left or the right. I will appreciate the places I can suffer with Him and thus be conformed into His very likeness and image. I will pray for favor with those God has placed in my life. I will go lower. I will embrace my weakness so that His strength can be magnified. I will stumble at times but I will not fall. I will give my life for love. Please understand I am becoming a lover and it is a process.

If we love with our "whole being, nothing is lacking where everything is given."-Bernard of Clairvaux

Desperation

Behold God is great and we do not know Him. Behold God is great.



"Anyone contemplating the life of Jesus needs to be newly and more deeply aware every day that something impossible, something scandalous has occurred: that God, in His absolute Being, has resolved to manifest Himself in a human life (and is in a position to make this resolve effective!) He must be scandalized by this, he must feel his mind reeling, the very ground giving way beneath his feet; he must at least experience that "ecstasy" of non-comprehension which transported Jesus' contemporaries." -Von Balthasar, Hans Urs Prayer



Do what? Yeah, exactly! God is great and we do not know Him! Oh, how aware I am of this fact! Jesus! Holy Spirit, help me!!!! I must have a spirit of wisdom and revelation. Reveal Yourself to me. I am desperate to know You.



I spend over 50 hours a week in the prayer room, no where near enough. After 8 weeks I am only now beginning to get acclimated. Only now am I beginning to be purged on a deeper level. Only now am I even capable of understanding that I don't understand anything. I need insight and understanding. I am desperate to know You.



I am a man of unclean lips. Bring your burning coal and touch my lips. Cleanse me.



"I confess, Lord, with thanksgiving, that you have made me in your image, so that I can remember you, think of you, and love you. But that image is so worn and blotted out by faults, and darkened by the smoke of sin, that it cannot do that for which it was made, unless you renew and refashion it. Lord I desire to understand your truth which my heart already believes and loves. I do not seek to understand so that I can believe, but I believe so that I may understand; and what is more, I believe that unless I do believe, I shall not understand." - Anselm of Canterbury



Oh, the blood of Jesus that has washed me white as snow. Purified me. Made me righteous. Made me Holy. How great the chasm between where I am now in my revelation and where I am seated with You in heavenly places. I am desperate to know You.


I wish I could literally feed myself on the Word intravenously. He is so much more fantastically amazing than my brain can comprehend. I need more language to even describe where I am right now. I want intimacy with the Creator of the Universe. My desire is for Him and His for me. How is that possible? I am desperate to know You!!!!!!

His plans will prevail

My life is not my own. It seems that is constantly being confirmed to me. This afternoon I got into the prayer room and two index cards fell out of my Bible.

Isaiah 46:10-11
My counsel shall stand,
And I will do all My pleasure...
Indeed I have spoken it;
I will also bring it to pass.
I have purposed it;
I will also do it.

Romans 4:20-21
He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief,
but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being
fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform.

I knew the Lord was establishing the "word" for the day. My journal seemed to have vanished so I grabbed another one out of my bag. It just so happened to be the exact one from this time last year. When I opened it there was an entry from October 8, 2007. I was sitting in the IHOP Atlanta prayer room. The Lord had gripped my heart and I knew I was called to the house of prayer. At the time, I was more "successful" and financially secure than I have ever been. I surrendered and told the Lord I trusted Him. I told Him I would follow His plans for my life and be anxious for nothing. I figured it would be maybe a five year plan....maybe I would eventually be an intercessory missionary. It seemed so far fetched and impossible. Here I sit one year later full time in His house. What ever word He has given you.....hold fast.....He has purposed it....He will also do it.

Nostalgic...not so much.

Some days I can be a little schmoopy. That is how I describe those feelings that come up every now and then. It can be over something or nothing. I LOVE the fall, the sights, smells and sounds... especially pumpkin spice stuff. Without fail one of those will trigger a warm fuzzy memory. Scents and songs take me back in time instantly. My senses go into overload as I am transported to another era and local. As I sat here revelating on just such nonsenses this afternoon I recognized what a trap that is. Those experiences may have been fantastic but God is doing a new thing and if we spend too much time on old things we get stuck. People perish for lack of vision. Make sure you are looking forward. It's okay to build altars to God for the milestones but don't cling to yesterday. It's gone forever and it's not coming back. I once heard a man say Christians raise the dead everyday. We resurrect lives the Lord wants to bury. I am passionate about music, always have been. Nothing gets to me like a song. Daddy wants me singing new songs and not getting caught up in old favorites. Old bread gets musty and moldy and so does the past if we try to keep it around.

All Shook Up

Whoa. Whoa. WHOA. I am undone. I am so messed up. The Lord is calling me deeper, higher. I have counted the cost. It will cost everything. Every imagination I have had for what I should or shouldn't be must die.



For several months I have been pressing in for the Ezekiel mantle. He was the most visual prophet along with being a watchman. In his thirtieth year the heavens were opened and he saw visions of God. That is the cliff notes.



Turning 29 recently I have felt the Lord was still preparing me. I see those younger that have already begun to step into destiny and sometimes I would feel behind the curve or discouraged. Things are beginning to make so much sense and yet I haven't a clue what is before me. I just know it is bigger than me and I can take no credit for what He will do.



I have been very concious that three of my favorite people in the Bible really stepped into major seasons of their purpose at 30; David, Ezekiel, and my Bridegroom King aka Jesus. The world would tell me that I should be settling down now, starting a family. I do have a new family just not what others may have had in mind.

The Lord is shaking me and just like an apple tree some stuff is falling to the ground but there is fruit that remains and that is what He is after.

I got a really hard word last week. The kind of word that confirms that still small voice. He has called me to a life of abandonment to Him. He must be my Onething. That is the only option. My life is not my own...really takes the pressure off.

I'm not saying I'm joining a convent although the thought has occurred more than once to my mother. I just know that there is a radical price for the desires of my heart. He gave all, how could I do any less.

Below is a word from Misty Edwards. It was an unbelievable confirmation to me of what was being whispered to my heart.....





For the hour is urgent !!SOUND THE ALARM For if the sheperd sees the coming terror anddoes not say something the blood is on theirhands! God says"I am raising up sheperds who are after my heart. I amraising up speaherds who know the times and the seasons.I am raising up sheperds a voice in this wilderness and time!will you be a friend of the bridegroom? will you be a friend ofthe judge? Will you not be ashamed! THE HOUR IS URGENT!! and i NEED you!!! Will you be a VOICE?Will you lay down your life? Will you be a messanger? Will yoube a forerunner? Will you lay down your life for the sheep? QUIT FOOLING AROUND!!! THE HOUR IS URGENT!! QUITDAYDREAMING!!!The hour is urgent and I AM COMING. Im gonna shake everythingthat can be shaken!! Im gonna turn the world UPSIDE DOWN! I needyou to prepare the way! The EARTH IS ASLEEP,they dont know that im coming,they dont believe that IM ALIVE!!will you sound the alarm?? I am coming!!WAKE UP MY SLEEPING BRIDE, WAKE UP MY SLEEPING CHURCH!!THE HOUR IS SHORT!! YOU DONT HAVE TIME TO WASTE! EAT THESCROLL! WILL YOU LAY DOWN YOUR LIFE IN THIS WILDERNESS ANDTIME??Will you lay down your life to be a voice?! I need a friend of the bridegroom.Will you lay down your life for my glory!I am coming!! Do you believe it? If you believe it WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DOABOUT IT? This is not a game, this is not fake!! I am alive! Will you be afriend of the judge? Will you be ashamed of me in that day or will you standand proclaim my beauty?I am coming! It may be 5 years! I am coming, will you give five years to focus?Will you eat the scroll! Stop wasteing away! Stop fooling around! Stop thefairytale! I need a friend! Will you be a voice? Will you sound the alarm?Will you take time to get understanding?THE HOUR IS URGENT!! THEREFORE WATCH!! DO YOU BELIEVE ME?WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT? DO YOU WANT TO BE A FRIENDOF THE BRIDEGROOM? TAKE THE SCROLL AND EAT IT! bE READY, YOUDONT KNOW WHEN IM COMING TAKE MY WORD DIGEST IT,LIVE IT BREATHE IT,i have need of you! are you for me or are you against me? I've seen thesencerity! I've seen the yes of your heart but i want maturity, i need maturity.I will give you so much grace! Im about to open up the heavens, im aboutto pour out the spirit of prophecy like never before. Im going to give youso much grace to fast, to pray, to lay down your life, to eat the scrollall you have to do is say yes and persevere and dont QUIT. All you've got todo is press on. I will give so much grace to those who want to stand with me.Do you want to stand in my counsel? I'll take you there!! Im about to pour out the spirit with dreams and visions and visitations!Will you persevere when the people come to mock you? Will you perseverewhen they call you foolish! Will you persevere when your family betraysyou? Will you persevere when your loved ones turn away!!will you be my friend? Will you overcome as i have overcome? The houris urgent!! I'll give you a grace, i'll give you rest of mind! I really meant itwhen i said take up your cross.how far will you go? how much do you want? how hungry are you? Willyou be a friend of the bridegroom because the hour is truly urgent!!

Dreams, Visions, & Encounters....Oh My!

I have been a bit slack concerning my blog. Not to make excuses but my mind has been completely blown and trying to capture thoughts has been challenging.



I guess I should rewind a ways and explain exactly how I arrived at this wonderful place. I 've known since December I was to be a part of IHOP Cartersville. I made arrangements to attend a Harp and Bowl in January. There was an ice storm that day. It seemed all hell broke loose at that point and I was delayed several months.



So, like we sometimes do I figured the Lord must have different plans for me. Many doors began to open for ministry and going to the nations, things were falling into place quickly. It just had to be God, or not. No matter what opportunities came about or how grand they seemed in the eyes of man something was not right. I went through three months of miserable growth. Inside I knew something was off. I was out of place. I tried really hard to fit into the mold that others thought was mine. As voices encouraged me to GO and DO and BE this big time minister I felt the Lord wooing me and calling me to wait upon Him.

Wait. Wait on Me. "Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." It became the running theme of my quiet time.

I had a radical dream of being on a night watch at IHOP Cartersville and the heavens opened and angels were dancing over me. Very much a Jacob's ladder kind of thing. It looked like the northern lights in the middle of the prayer room. I knew then I HAD to be a part of this house. I told Mary about my dream and she was like so your gonna do the internship. It was not a question. I of course balked at the notion and committed to part time prayer room hours. That was early July. The first day of the internship arrived (August 17) and we were leaving DC after The Call. Mary pulled me aside before we hit the road and by the time I got in the van I was an intern. Let me add that only that morning I was almost in tears telling Foster how much I would have loved to do it but I had prayed and told the Lord if He wanted me to that He would have to work it out. How often we must make our Daddy giggle.

Now, I am wrecked and ruined for anything but Him. I've always been a "seer" but my goodness do I see. I am having the time of my life. How do you even convey such revolutionary encounters with the True and Living God. The Creator of the Universe is rocking my paradigm. I am experiencing the suddenlies I've only read about. I don't even recognize who I am or will be or once was. It's awesome. I'm so messed up. I can't continue I need to go worship.