Becoming

I am becoming someone new all together. I am seeking to be like Him, to reflect His countenance and character to the world in which I reside. It is no easy task. Every day it seems there is a form of progress and then in a blink maybe not. For the past year and a half I knew that the plumb line was love. You see, I have a hard time with that in application. There was an era in which I was known as the ice princess. Some think that is funny or that I am a little stand offish but what a horrible way to be perceived. So, I decided to be a lover, a radical laid down lover. This of course had to be the Lord because I was much too afraid of people to actually choose this path myself.....but I so want to be like Him.



Recently, it has come to my attention that as I have asked Him to break my cold stony heart and give me a heart of flesh what comes with that. To love I must suffer long which means I must suffer. To love I must keep no record of wrongs which means I must be wronged. The list goes on and on. It would be so easy to tuck tale and run, to continue to fear people instead of embrace them in their weakness. Perfect love casts out fear. My love is not perfect. It is weak and immature and self seeking but..... His love is perfect and covers a multitude of sins.



I have had a tough week. Just when I got revelation that I was going to have to love others in their imperfections mine were magnified and brought to my attention. I have made many mistakes and I am sure I will make many more. My first instinct was to cut all ties with humanity and hide in a cave like a hermit wallowing in condemnation. Silly I know. If I choose to be a lover then I must have relationship. Not surface acquaintance. Relationship requires vulnerability. I do not like the idea of that.

The Word says faithful are the wounds of a friend. Agh! So as Shampa Rice would say.."What to do?" I guess I will choose love. I will choose to not fear man or His opinion of me but to press on and press in. I will acknowledge and repent for the places I have given darkness room. I will allow Him to fill me over and over again with His limitless love. I will not look to the left or the right. I will appreciate the places I can suffer with Him and thus be conformed into His very likeness and image. I will pray for favor with those God has placed in my life. I will go lower. I will embrace my weakness so that His strength can be magnified. I will stumble at times but I will not fall. I will give my life for love. Please understand I am becoming a lover and it is a process.

If we love with our "whole being, nothing is lacking where everything is given."-Bernard of Clairvaux